Thank You. Sorry. I Love You So Badly.

This was the very thoughtful poster Blake surprised me with (also part of the message from church that weekend- another gift to know that they ARE listening, even when you think they aren't).

It's hard to read from the photograph, but it says "Thank you. Sorry. We love you so badly. Happy Mother's Day". You can't really see the drawing of me eating cookies saying "yummmm", but that's at the bottom right. Thanks to the twins for the beautiful coloring job.

Garrett was equally thoughtful and creative with his card.

His words of gratitude are very appreciated and I love that he calls me a "big pretty sunflower". But most of all I enjoy knowing that the reading time we spend together is as special to him as it is to me.

It really is true- mother's don't need gifts, we just need to know we are loved and appreciated!

But when we do get gifts, a flower in the form of Lego's is a perfect gift from my Lego-lover Garrett, and the "flower trophy" (as Ella named it) that Blake built is perfect from my son who loves to build and use tools.

A very special thank you to Brian for his shining example of unconditional love. How lucky am I?

By the way...I love you so badly too.

Mommy's Helpers. Or Not.

I can finally say that having twins is getting a little easier. Sometimes. With their increasing age of 2 1/2 comes more opportunities for independence and autonomy. We get to teach our toddlers how to put clothes on...put their dishes in the sink...clean up their toys...brush their teeth...get up into their booster seats...and so on and so forth. There is no doubt that while this takes an initial investment of patience, I am paid back with valuable time and freedom to not have to meet every moment's need. So we want this; we encourage this; we need this.

And then I am quickly reminded that the twins' interest in learning isn't just to know how to be "mommy's helper". They are curious about a lot more than that. And while I've made no effort whatsoever to teach them these things, here are some of the other (they might argue valuable) skills they have managed to teach themselves:

*how to work the water dispenser on the refrigerator (let's just say I don't need to mop quite as often and there is always a towel handy)
*how to turn the outside hose ON (and somehow not understanding how to turn it off?)
*how to assemble- and more importantly- DISassmble sippy cups
*how to unlock and open the back sliding glass door (gaining unlimited access to the back yard when ever they want)
*how to work the volume control on the tv (great for getting mommy's attention when I'm otherwise occupied)
*how to open the inside door to the garage (which gives them access to all their "stored" toys...for which they have no interest in trading out)
*how to undo the child lock for the pantry (at least they lock it back up when they're done)
*that the step stool is portable...making a whole other level of things within reach (and that any box or bucket turned upside down can be used as an adequate substitute)

If I can look past the messes, the frustration and relinquishing some control (quite a challenge for a self-professed Type A), then I can appreciate the wonder and amazement of their little minds in discovering the world around them, and the self confidence they build when they learn a new "skill". Even if that means they are giving themselves mud baths...right after I've given them a real one.

Happy Mother's Day to the Moms of the world...you make the world a better place!

Mom: 0, Twins: 1?

But it's only half time. I'm not worried...or at least not yet.

This is one of those times when previous parenting experience has been put to good use. It's hard to believe that the twins are old enough, but we decided to take the leap from cribs to toddler beds since it was evident that the cribs' days were numbered. Being the conscientious parents that we are, we wanted to make the transition before there was an injury. It was still a tough decision, though, not because I don't want to let go of their "babyness", but because my prior knowledge of this milestone tells me that the bed time routine becomes a major challenge, at least in the beginning. And twice as hard (at least) with twins.

After taking them shopping for their new pillows, I had the brilliant plan to introduce the "big kid" beds for their morning nap first.

Come see your new and improved "big kid" room!

Ella had been begging me so sleep in her "big girl" bed for weeks...

...do you think she likes it?

Chase was a little less sure...

...but eventually warmed up to the idea.

I knew there would be a period of novelty that would have to run its course. And I knew it was a bit of a gamble, since things are much more enticing when you can see them in daylight. But I also knew that had we waited until night time, we would run the risk of being up half the night playing the new "back to bed" game. So, how'd it go? Here's the play-by-play.

~5 minutes: until the twins realized they could stand at the window and look outside
~15 minutes: the time it took the monkeys to start jumping on their beds
~25 minutes: the point at which they opened the bedroom door....the first time (of many)
~30 minutes: the party was really getting started
~45 minutes: they played "light on", "light off" Ella just couldn't help herself
~1 hour: when they decided it would be fun to climb INTO the crib we left in the room (just in case)

~1 hour 5 min: when they decided to trade beds


~1 hr 20 min: ahhhh, quiet play and some silence....maybe a nap?
~1 hr 30 min: no such luck- Ella had things to do when she remembered she could go through the drawers to her heart's content
~1 hr 35 min: don't forget going through the closet
~1 hr 40 min: delirium starts to set in...intermittent laughing, crying as they roll around on the floor (and over each other)
~1 hr 50 min: settling down again...THIS time maybe some sleep?
~2 hrs 5 min: wishful thinking...delirium keeps them awake and busy making animal noises, playing and Chase stands watch opening and closing the door while Ella continues to explore the drawers
~2 hrs 40 min: game over (it's all part of my strategy)

Okay, so they never slept. And, yes, they will be cranky and difficult at times because of it, but I'm looking at the bright side...I didn't lose any sleep! At least not yet. And even better? They will be plenty exhausted for an early bed time tonight.

At least that's what I thought. That was until I discovered that Chase finally gave in shortly after I surrendered and fell fast asleep on the floor.

Twins:1, Mom:0? Maybe we should just call this round a tie... Game on!

Sporting It

Blue Lightning #26
This year Blake decided he wanted to give soccer a try. He's shied away from it in years past because, although he's very athletic and pretty coordinated, he isn't a big fan of playing organized sports. He'd rather just "high kick" the ball in the back yard (and usually over the fence, thankfully we have gracious neighbors). With a little encouragement he decided to join a recreational team and it turns out he loves it! (I know this for a fact because he NEVER complains about going and is HAPPY to get his gear together and get ready without a million reminders).

He ended up on one of the leagues best teams and has really improved his skill and knowledge of the game. And while he I think he does have the ability to excel, Blake is not nearly as aggressive as most kids...it just isn't his nature to "steal" the ball from friends. On the positive side, he's good about passing and he's even scored a few goals!

Garrett, the "swimmer"
In an effort to find a sport that minimizes contact potential (to protect his good kidney), Garrett has gone in a different direction. He seems to have his dad's natural ability for swimming. We decided to give the swim team a try and he's proven he's got talent...but the focus still needs work. Garrett has very strong strokes for a kid his age and easily laps other teammates when swimming. That's when he's not playing around and exploring under water. After all, he is only six. And he just can't resist being the "class clown" (and not just in swimming...). We plan to take a break during the winter months and start back up next spring. If all goes well, we should be making our way around town for various swim meets next year.

As for the twins, well, they have their own sports of sorts. Ella has taken dressing up to a whole new level with discovery of REAL costumes and super heroes. When she's not following me around the house with a costume in hand repeating, "mama, need help", she's proclaiming herself "Suuuuper Ella!".

And if talking was a sport, I think Ella would be on the All Star team...she's easily talking in 5-6 word sentences (and repeating EVERYthing I say). So far, I've learned that I can be a little bossy ("NOW, boys!"), I have very good manners (Thank you, mama, thank you"), and that she might be watching a little too much tv ("Mama, I turned Mickey Mouse on!"). Chase, while not talking as clearly as Ella, can easily out-scream any and all of his siblings. And he's still pursuing the sport of dinosaurs (playing with AND acting like them!), reenacting the movie Cars, drawing often on his doodleboard and, of course, reading books. He's still "all boy" with a big, sensitive heart and is the champion of super-tight-muscles-shaking-teeth-gritting hugs, which I can never get enough of.

As for me, I have perfected the sport of loading and unloading 4 kids, with snacks, waters, shoes, jackets, toys, etc. and being on time (usually) to soccer practice, swim practice, etc. And now that the playroom at home is no longer enclosed my new sport is chasing toddlers around the house. I haven't parted with the stroller yet, but it's days are numbered. And I can't even imagine what transitioning out of cribs is going to be like..."strength training" takes on a whole new meaning. Who knew exercising patience could actually be aerobic?

Why Being A Parent Is Like Training For A (half) Marathon

1. Training begins before sunrise.
2. It's 70% mental ("I can do this") and 30% physical.
3. Goals should be realistic and broken down into smaller milestones
4. Having a plan in place is essential
5. Rest is scheduled and necessary for recovery
6. While the flat course is ideal, there will always be hills
7. For every hill there is an up AND a down
8. You are stronger than you think you are
9. Part of training is figuring out what works for you...and what doesn't
10. It may be painful at times, but giving up is not an option
11. Don't forget to enjoy the scenery
12. It's not about winning, it's about doing the best you can do and finishing what you started

Chaosing the Control, I Mean...

If I've ever wondered if my family could function without me (and, I have)...now I know. The answer is....yes...kind of.

After spending a week away from home helping my mom recover from surgery I have come to a few other conclusions, too. For instance, despite the sassiness and selfishness that sometime come from Garrett, I was showered in loving compliments and favorite food offerings when I came home. It was reassuring to confirm that he still loves his mommy more than his Legos and junk food. And that Blake, the oldest, is and will probably always be the responsible, dependable one- making sure the twins are safe and pointing out to Garrett when he's breaking the rules. Speaking of rules...I get the sense they've come to appreciate at least some of them. Like going to bed at a decent hour...and possibly even chores (okay, that might be a stretch). Or maybe I'm just thinking of Brian who ended up doing most the household chores himself. And judging from how agreeable the boys were to going back to eating "normally", I think they secretly missed their fruits and vegetables.

As for the twins, they love their daddy, their grandma and grandpa, their cousins (and everyone else who chipped in to help), but no one can take the place of mommy. I got gigantic smiles, happy dances, huge kisses and extra tight hugs for the hours after I returned. With such innocent and pure expressions of love, it's hard to feel anything but love and gratitude. Despite the Crayola hieroglyphics on the wall. And, finally, my husband openly admitted that the family NEEDS me. He even did his best to catch up on laundry, clean the house and try to put things back together before I came home...now that's love!

On my end, I missed everyone terribly but somehow found comfort in still being a care-taker. I missed giving raspberries on Chase's chubby cheeks...Ella's quirkiness and wardrobe creations... Garrett's smile and silly sayings...and Blake's sweetness and endless curiosity. And of course Brian's loving support and reassuring hugs at the end of the day that keep me going. I have to admit, it was nice to actually a read a book cover to cover and sit down for a meal uninterrupted, but I came to miss the noise, the commotion and even the controlled chaos. Did I just say that out loud? Somehow sticky hands, diaper changes and belly laughs are still my preference.

Thanks to the family for working together in my absence and enduring the chaos while I was away. And...now we know. WE ALL NEED EACH OTHER.

Calculating Motherhood

It all started a few weeks ago. As we talked about what a 50th Wedding Anniversary meant, it was quickly followed with a typical question, "How many days have they been married?". As I drove down the street doing a quick calculation in my head, I replied, "Around 18,500". My answer was met by gasps of shock and laughter as the boys looked at each other in amazement. They were immediately intrigued by the large number and the wheels started turning..."Well, how many days have you and Dad been married?" and "How many days have Grandma and Grandpa been married?" and "How many...". Luckily it's a short drive to school...and math has never been my strong suit.

I didn't think much of it at the time, but after school that day Blake approached me with a calculator and asked, "Mom, how many days have I been on Earth?". Hmmm, let's see. So we did the math...and came up with 2,555. Then added roughly another 180 days (since he's technically closer to 7 and a half)...and then I had a moment of CLARITY (okay, panic then clarity). I've had 2700 opportunities to help shape his life. Twenty seven hundred chances to show him how much I love him. Have I been a successful mother?

If I answer this question honestly, then the answer is yes...and no. Blake is a wonderful child and he is very loved, but there are definite times when I missed or simply wasted opportunities to be a better mother. This was my moment of enlightenment for two reasons: One is that, while I know it's not realistic to be a perfect mom all the time, it reminds me that I have the potential to be the kind of mom I want to be to my children EVERY SINGLE DAY. And two is that knowing I've been blessed with 2700+ days with Blake is a sobering reminder of how much of a GIFT each day really is with all my children.

These are two of my favorite quotes, which, in the context of motherhood, seem to say it all:

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present. ~Babatunde Olatunji

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

That's A Wrap!

It's official, we survived another tax season...no major illnesses, no rearranging the house (at least on the inside), and no black eyes from falling toys (last year's highlights). I'm glad to report that we are all in relatively good shape all things considered. That being said, why don't I feel more relaxed? Shouldn't I feel relieved, like things are back to "normal" or at least be able to stop to catch my breath? As I thought about this (and read my blog entry from this time last year), I realized two things.

The first is that there is no such thing as "normal". "Normal" becomes dealing with whatever life demands of you. So as the demands of motherhood increase during tax season in the absence of my working husband, so does my sense of "normalcy". Routines manage the stress, planning and organization manage the routines. Once tax season is over, my sense of "normalcy" is challenged once again...because it is now obsolete. And because on the heels of April 15th is a slew of birthdays, holidays, school celebrations and then summer, there isn't really time to relax and recover. Maybe I need to rethink labeling ANYthing in this crazy life "normal" and just call it something like "moment-cy".

The second certainty is that next tax season (which is really this fall but to a lesser extent), I will be asking myself the same question: when do I get to celebrate the end of tax season? And the answer will be the same: the demands of motherhood never end. But, as Brian often reminds me, it's a labor of love. And even though it's hard work to adjust to another "moment-cy", it is always worth it in the end because our family is not complete without Brian.

Maybe someday the grueling stress of tax season won't be so bad (we can only hope)...but I think that's what they call retirement. And this economy reminds us that having a stressful job may very well be less stressful than not having one at all. So in the spirit of accounting and all things tax, we are counting our blessings.

A special thanks to my hubby for working so hard to provide for his family.

Giving Thanks

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for...
so many things to be thankful for.

My incredible family
My loving husband
who is amazing in every way
My health
and that of my family
Little heads nuzzled into the crook of my neck
and little fingers that won't let go
Garrett's artwork and Lego creations
Blake's drive and determination
and fascination with odd things
Garrett's singing and made-up songs
Ella's intimidating scowl
Chase's infectious smile and laughter
Blake's sweet, humble smile when he feels proud
Garrett's love of books, reading and learning
My piano
The happy morning greeting from well-rested babies
Chase's obsession with jumping
and Ella's obsession with dressing up
Brotherly love
First words that only a mother can understand
The uninhibited dancing of children
The excited wave that Chase gives everybody
When I only have to ask once
and unsolicited "thank you's"
Tender moments
Big family hugs
Another fall season (my favorite)
A small house (less to clean)
A warm, safe home
A full heart

Just to name a few...

My Time Sheet

This one's for Blake and Garrett.

All too often I am asked, "what do you do all day?". Not by my dear husband, he knows better. But by Blake and Garrett who can't imagine what I do while they are at school. When I ask them what they think, I usually get an answer resembling "go shopping and watch tv". For the life of me I can't figure out why they say this. In fact, I can't remember the last time I step foot in the mall and if I am at a store it probably sells groceries. As for the tv, if it is on, it's sure to be on a show with some kind of dancing or singing animal. Never mind the fact that I have their brother and sister to take care of. So, to answer their question (and humor myself), HERE is what I did today (a typical day in my life):

*6 am woke up, made breakfast for me and Blake, checked e-mail, checking account balance and headlines, picked out boys' school clothes.
*6:25 got in the shower.
*6:50-7:30 unloaded and loaded dishes, made school snacks (I took the day off from making lunches and let them buy today), brushed teeth, changed and dressed babies, gave Garrett his medicine.
*7:30-8:15 loaded up kids, took Blake and Garrett to school.
*8:15-9:00 vacuumed house, cleaned couch, picked up, stripped beds to wash bedding.
*9:00-10:00 fed and changed babies, cleaned up pack 'n play to lend to friend, changed diapers, did laundry, washed bottles, ate a snack, turned the tv on (sshhh, I do watch tv sometimes...but usually just the news so I can stay in touch with reality).
*10:00-11:00 babies went down for a nap, I started writing this blog and realized I forgot to put deodorant on. Put deodorant on. Plunged the toilet that Blake clogged this morning with half a roll of toilet paper (hey, I never said it was glamorous) and cleaned the toilets. As a side note, what is it about boys not being able to get the pee IN the toilet? Sigh. Giggle...I just remembered Garrett impersonating Chris Rock impersonating his mother (no, we don't let him watch it but he must have seen a commercial for "Everybody Hates Chris"). I overheard him saying in a high woman's voice "Chris, you get in there are wipe the pee off that toilet! That's disgusting!". Come to think of it maybe it's more appropriate than I originally thought... Anyway, did more laundry. Unloaded and loaded the dishwasher again. Cleaned the mirrors and glass in the house and the haze off the inside of my windshield that I can barely see through.
*11:00-12 noon played with the Chase and Ella while finishing laundry. Fed the babies, had lunch, checked e-mail and headlines, changed diapers.
*12 noon-12:40 went to Costco for gas, picked boys up from school and off to errands.

This is the first half the day (today is the boy's short day at school), but you get the picture. And don't get me wrong- I'm not complaining. I actually prefer to be busy. But shopping and lounging in front of the tv I am not. One day hopefully they'll recognize and appreciate that...but I'm not holding my breath. So long as I have these days I will consider it all a labor of love.

The Logic of a Mom

I’ve been writing some of the funny things the kids say in my “The Logic of a Child” column (which is just a small sample of all the interesting things that come out of their mouths), but here are a few things I’ve caught MYSELF saying lately that actually made me pause and giggle:

~ “Please don’t put your underwear on your sister’s head”
~ “Did someone pee on the dog?”
~ “Do you want moose poop or broccoli cookies?” (it’s actually Moose Tracks ice cream and Girl Scout- which they know as “Brownies”- cookies and the kids came up with the names so I went with it…anything to try to dissuade them from wanting sweets…but it NEVER works!)
~ “Can you please stop burying the dog’s bones?”
~ “Let’s not put Legos in the cereal, please” (this was my response to Garrett’s announcement that he made “Lego cereal”; fortunately he didn’t eat any…that I know of)
~ “If you don’t go to sleep now, then I’m going to wake you up extra early in the morning!” (after thinking about this I’ve realized that this threat probably only scares adults)
~ “Please don’t put his foot in your mouth”

And somehow this all makes sense to me…

My Plea

Dear Mother Earth and Father Time,

I am writing to make a request. While I respect the idea of Daylight Savings Time and appreciate the “opportunity” to be “more productive”, I kindly ask that you PLEASE reconsider implementing this “holiday”. I am sure there are a few select individuals who will take advantage of this extra time of saved daylight, but most of us (at least those of us with kids) need ALL the time we can get and this change makes our days much, much longer (and not in a good way).

Not only is it a nuisance to change a schedule we work hard (and sometimes have to fight hard) to achieve daily, but it is COUNTER-productive. In addition to losing a perfectly good hour of sleep, our once-afternoon activities (for example team practices) are inevitably pushed back until later with the idea that we somehow have this time in the evening to spare (which we don't). In addition, we teach our children that we sleep during night and play during the day (and finally have their bodies acclimated to this from the winter holidays) and then arbitrarily put them to bed in daylight and wake them up in darkness…and expect them to GO TO SLEEP and WAKE UP AND BE PRODUCTIVE? My children, for instance, are more than happy to entertain themselves after bedtime because there is nothing preventing them from playing (specifically LIGHT). Consequently, a pointless battle ensues because really, how does one make one sleep if one doesn’t want to? Therein lies the problem. One doesn’t. Then parent "one" has a VERY tired little "one" the next morning, which is especially problematic when there is school to attend, learning to do, a job to go to or ANY activity really that does not involve sleeping. Remember, those of us with multiple children already struggle to maintain a daily schedule (and are already tired).

My point is that tired and whiny children (and sometimes parents) are NOT going to be more productive. If the intention of “saving” daylight is for prolonged opportunities to be more active or productive, I, for one, will gladly give mine back for a little more sleep and a lot more sanity. I may not be more productive, but I can assure you I won’t be less productive.

Thank you in advance for your consideration.

Sincerely,
A tired mother of four who sees no value in losing more sleep and giving her children yet another reason to not want to go to bed, be late for school, etc. etc.

P.S. If you find this request completely unreasonable, it would be much appreciated if you could you at least please talk to the Easter Bunny and see about coordinating the timing of this change to take place over Spring Break when the kids are off their schedules and fueled by sugar anyway?

A True Measure of Beauty

I’ve never been a “hair” person. In fact, I’ve pretty much had the same hair style since about sixth grade (straight with varying degrees of lengths). I just don’t have the time, skill or patience to regularly style my hair (and I consider myself lucky that I even get to wash it most days). Having said that, I LOVE to get my hair cut. Not because of the “pampering” but because for that day my hair actually looks styled (never to be duplicated again despite my best efforts).

Today was one of those days. Getting my hair cut is no big deal, but being away from home for a couple hours without children is quite a logistical production, requiring weeks of planning in advance and coordinating for child care. When the “big day” arrives, the pressure to return home looking magically more beautiful than before is very high. My biggest critic, however, is NOT my husband (he’s a guy, it all looks the same to him)…it’s my kids! Garrett, in particular, has always been my more fashion-conscious child. He notices if I am wearing new clothes or do my make up differently. And he LOVES to style my hair. Just picture a four year old, freckles on his button nose, big blue eyes looking up at you, tongue resting in the corner of his mouth, sticky little hands in your face “fixing” your hair, concentrating intensely to get the style JUST RIGHT. This is Garrett. He takes his own hair just as seriously, combing it forward after he showers to tame his flyaways and even cutting off his cowlick to rid himself of “bedhead”.

Like most children his age, Garrett is also brutally honest. So, you can imagine how relieved I was to be greeted by an excited little voice proclaiming “Mommy, your hair looks beautiful!” Since it’s the same haircut I always get (except that this time she curled it a little more than usual), I smiled politely, said “thank you” with the same enthusiasm and silently wrote his excitement off as coaching from the grandparents who were watching him in my absence. But THEN, a while later he came to me with a handful of melted M&Ms (all my favorite color), placed these coveted prizes in my hand and ever so sweetly and sincerely said, “because your hair is so pretty I almost didn’t recognize you”. I know he meant that as a compliment. And later still, after I inevitably pulled back my hair into my “mom” pony tail as I got back to “work” Garrett actually pulled the rubber band out of my hair and said with disappointment “Mommy, what happened to your pretty hair?” At that point I promised him I would curl it again some time and make it pretty just for him. For that moment I realized that HE was proud of ME and what a wonderful, fulfilling gift he was giving me, which, of course, makes ME so proud of HIM. AND he really loves my hair…NOW I feel truly beautiful.

A Girl Can Dream

Some days are better than others. Okay, make that some weeks are better than others. I don’t know what my problem is, but having been away from home for four days last week has really put me in a tail spin. I’m usually a very organized person, with schedules and lists and always one step ahead of things. But not this week. This week I’m scrambling to find things, missing deadlines, drowning in housework and trying to get my act together just enough so that I remember to feed my kids. Not a very lofty goal, I know, but that is the ONLY thing that I can’t forgo in a day. Meanwhile, the piles are getting higher, the toys are getting more spread out (think hundreds of Legos everywhere), the laundry is clean but hasn’t found the closets yet and the dust bunnies are, well, multiplying like rabbits. If you’ve ever tried cleaning a house with four little kids you quickly realize that it’s pretty much the equivalent of banging your head against the wall and you are really lucky to have one clean room at any given time. I WOULD say I need a vacation, but the thought of being away for another few days and falling behind on everything (even further) is just so overwhelming. Rather than dreaming of vacationing on some remote tropical island, I would honestly rather spend my day catching up on laundry and cleaning and only DREAM of being uninterrupted…or better yet, having a HOUSEKEEPER! Ahhh, doesn’t that sound nice? Well, a girl can dream, can’t she?