Looking back, we had it easy in kindergarten with Blake. We didn't have to worry about friends (or enemies) or his self esteem or self image...life was simple and the focus was appropriately on him learning to read and write. That hasn't been the case this year with Garrett. Granted, they are two totally different people, but I never dreamed that a bully and social challenges would be at the top of our list of concerns.
While Garrett was excelling in his academics, my jovial, outgoing Garrett was becoming hostile at home and (reportedly) shy and insecure at school. We were desperately hoping it was "just a stage", but we weren't willing to wait around for it to pass and let it run its course without our guidance. As much as I wanted to protect and shield him from the negativity, I knew that wasn't reality and it wouldn't ultimately help him. So I shifted my focus instead to researching and practicing with Garrett how to handle different "bully" situations. We signed him up for art lessons (which he loves) to build his self confidence, have been more consistent in our church goings to help build his inner strength and have embraced a healthier lifestyle as a family to help him to feel outward strength. We read books, worked with his teacher and counselor, and enrolled in this self defense class of the body (stranger safety) and the heart (bullying) which I highly recommend for every child.
After months of worrying about Garrett, I finally have a sense of relief. He is happier, sillier, thoughtful (we're still working on generous), kinder and more confident. He's solving problems better and sticking up for himself more. Don't get me wrong- there's still plenty of fighting among brothers and no shortage of attitude/demands/whining- but most of his misbehavior is rooted in inappropriate humor and silliness (THAT'S the Garrett I know).
And as Garrett hopefully exits this stage (and undoubtedly enters another one), he has learned that the best way to help himself is by helping others. He has been empowered by helping friends on the playground and in class and is getting recognition by his teacher and friends. And the bully? Garrett only plays with him when he's being treated nicely, which, incidentally, has increased in frequency as the number of the bully's friends has decreased- something that has not gone unnoticed by Garrett.
While Garrett was excelling in his academics, my jovial, outgoing Garrett was becoming hostile at home and (reportedly) shy and insecure at school. We were desperately hoping it was "just a stage", but we weren't willing to wait around for it to pass and let it run its course without our guidance. As much as I wanted to protect and shield him from the negativity, I knew that wasn't reality and it wouldn't ultimately help him. So I shifted my focus instead to researching and practicing with Garrett how to handle different "bully" situations. We signed him up for art lessons (which he loves) to build his self confidence, have been more consistent in our church goings to help build his inner strength and have embraced a healthier lifestyle as a family to help him to feel outward strength. We read books, worked with his teacher and counselor, and enrolled in this self defense class of the body (stranger safety) and the heart (bullying) which I highly recommend for every child.
After months of worrying about Garrett, I finally have a sense of relief. He is happier, sillier, thoughtful (we're still working on generous), kinder and more confident. He's solving problems better and sticking up for himself more. Don't get me wrong- there's still plenty of fighting among brothers and no shortage of attitude/demands/whining- but most of his misbehavior is rooted in inappropriate humor and silliness (THAT'S the Garrett I know).
And as Garrett hopefully exits this stage (and undoubtedly enters another one), he has learned that the best way to help himself is by helping others. He has been empowered by helping friends on the playground and in class and is getting recognition by his teacher and friends. And the bully? Garrett only plays with him when he's being treated nicely, which, incidentally, has increased in frequency as the number of the bully's friends has decreased- something that has not gone unnoticed by Garrett.
Garrett showing off the "Outstanding Job" wristband he earned for helping his classmate
Greater confidence, better choices and finding joy from giving and helping others...a lifetime's worth of lessons in the first six months of kindergarten! I guess it is true...all you need to know you learn in kindergarten. After all this...I can only brace myself for FIRST grade...
1 comment:
For reals, Aimee-- what a great mom you are. Way to nip that challenge! Kindergarten is just full of those lessons for ALL of us, isn't it?
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