Who Says...

Girls don't play with trucks? To Ella it's a heavy duty stroller for her baby...

Girls don't play with cars? To Ella it's a phone she can hold comfortably in her hand and talk to everyone she can think of...for hours

Girls don't play with toy guns? To Ella it's an accessory to go with her hat

Boys don't like to have their hair "done"?

Or that ALL girls do?

Another fascinating study in nature vs. nurture. What's interesting, however, is that more powerful than either of these influences...is the basic desire to have what the OTHER person has.
Can you say "terrible two's"?
Witnessing this stage reminds me that this is preparation for a lifetime of learning that you can't always have what you want...
but with a little creativity and effort, you can make do with what you have.

Help Me Help You

Looking back, we had it easy in kindergarten with Blake. We didn't have to worry about friends (or enemies) or his self esteem or self image...life was simple and the focus was appropriately on him learning to read and write. That hasn't been the case this year with Garrett. Granted, they are two totally different people, but I never dreamed that a bully and social challenges would be at the top of our list of concerns.

While Garrett was excelling in his academics, my jovial, outgoing Garrett was becoming hostile at home and (reportedly) shy and insecure at school. We were desperately hoping it was "just a stage", but we weren't willing to wait around for it to pass and let it run its course without our guidance. As much as I wanted to protect and shield him from the negativity, I knew that wasn't reality and it wouldn't ultimately help him. So I shifted my focus instead to researching and practicing with Garrett how to handle different "bully" situations. We signed him up for art lessons (which he loves) to build his self confidence, have been more consistent in our church goings to help build his inner strength and have embraced a healthier lifestyle as a family to help him to feel outward strength. We read books, worked with his teacher and counselor, and enrolled in this self defense class of the body (stranger safety) and the heart (bullying) which I highly recommend for every child.

After months of worrying about Garrett, I finally have a sense of relief. He is happier, sillier, thoughtful (we're still working on generous), kinder and more confident. He's solving problems better and sticking up for himself more. Don't get me wrong- there's still plenty of fighting among brothers and no shortage of attitude/demands/whining- but most of his misbehavior is rooted in inappropriate humor and silliness (THAT'S the Garrett I know).

And as Garrett hopefully exits this stage (and undoubtedly enters another one), he has learned that the best way to help himself is by helping others. He has been empowered by helping friends on the playground and in class and is getting recognition by his teacher and friends. And the bully? Garrett only plays with him when he's being treated nicely, which, incidentally, has increased in frequency as the number of the bully's friends has decreased- something that has not gone unnoticed by Garrett.

Garrett showing off the "Outstanding Job" wristband he earned for helping his classmate

Greater confidence, better choices and finding joy from giving and helping others...a lifetime's worth of lessons in the first six months of kindergarten! I guess it is true...all you need to know you learn in kindergarten. After all this...I can only brace myself for FIRST grade...

Miles and Milestones

Blake has been working really hard lately and hitting some new personal milestones...

*Like running 50 miles through the Running Club at school- that's from about Poway to Mexico! (each foot charm represents 10 miles)

*Losing a big "top" tooth (and embarking on his journey towards braces...which is exciting "because all the big kids have braces")

*Reading chapter books...and realizing that when you really learn to read, you can read anything
(which also means the days of spelling things out as parents is o-v-e-r)
*Beating the grown ups at checkers...almost (and for real)

It's official...he's growing up. And in case I forget, there is always the "big kid attitude" and arguing with everything I say to remind me (payback, I'm sure...sorry Mom and Dad). But the pride of watching your child meet the goals HE finds meaningful makes it that much more rewarding as a parent.

Keep up the great job, Blake, and congratulations!

3/17 update: Blake is keeping the Tooth Fairy busy and lost his other top front tooth just a few days later.

On a sad note, Blake accidentally left his backpack on the sidewalk after school (while loading into the car) and although it was turned in and returned to him, it wasn't before someone had taken his prized "foot" charms. Fortunately, the school has offered to replace them and Blake has taken this instance of natural consequences in stride (and assured me he will keep better track of his backpack).

The Ella Dictionary

Mama, mmmmm = I'm hungry or I'm eating
Mama, weeeeee = Look, a park! I want to go!
Tain! = I want to watch Dinosaur Train on tv
Mama, loud = tell my brothers to turn the tv or video games down
Pees, mama, peeeees! = I WANT that (at least she tries to be polite...)
Lele = I'd like my sunglasses so I can blow kisses like a movie star
Ahhh = this usually means Ella wants me to know that she has put something in her mouth that she wasn't supposed to (usually paper)
per = zipper (what is it about babies and loving to zip/unzip things?)
boom boom = nerf gun (one of her favorite toys...so much for abstaining from toy guns)
na = snack (or any leftover food to finds in the highchair, car seat or stroller)

Words only a mother can understand...

Q&A

Well, "Q" anyway. I remember hearing somewhere that the average five year old asks about 300 questions a day. I believe it. In fact, that estimate might be low.

Just the other day the boys spent over an hour cracking each other up with their "what if" scenarios (granted most of them involved potty humor, but it was an hour of peace for me so I chose not to fight that battle). And I've noticed lately that most of my conversations with Garrett have been increasingly one-sided. His brain (and imagination) are in overdrive and he shoots one question after the other, often times before I can answer the first one (and he always remembers the answers I give). Sometimes the answers are easy to come by, like "can Chase and Ella marry each other?" or "why are stars shaped like stars?"...and some are not, like "do angels have feathers?" and "are humans the only ones with five fingers?". And for the rest, well, there's Google.

Now I just have one question...since encyclopedias only contain so much information (and there are only so many hours in a day)....when we were kids (and without the internet)...did our parents just make stuff up?

An Ugly Reminder of Beautiful Things

I've had a hard time concentrating this past week. The recent tragedy in our community has been consuming at times and difficult to wrap my brain around. It is all too easy to become overwhelmed with fury and frustration that this has happened in our beloved community, but that doesn't change that fact that it did. In addition to hugging the kids a little tighter, taking our safety MUCH more seriously, and getting involved in an effort to prevent this from ever happening again, I realize that in the end this horrific ordeal has become a invaluable gift. Never before have I seen this depth of kindness and compassion among strangers, seen unwavering dedication and diligence and felt such unity and solidarity with the community as a whole. Not because we knew Chelsea King or her family, but because it was the right thing to do. I am thankful to have witnessed that kindness, selflessness and positivity can and will be reciprocated. From this, I feel hope and not despair, I feel empowerment and not weakness and I feel joy beyond the sadness. We have all been affected by this very ugly tragedy and we have all been changed by it. What makes it beautiful is that that we will be better people for it. And for that, I am grateful.